WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW….AND THEN YOU FORGET I remember a friend calling me years ago and saying “I met the woman I’m going to marry. She’s THE ONE. I can’t explain it. It’s just like, when you know you know!” He wasn’t the first to say this and I’d certainly seen some degree of this certainty phenomena. If you haven’t figured out where this is going, he did marry her and divorced her a couple years later. This brings me to the theme of having a clear understanding of what you want in a relationship and forgetting your pre-relationship established truths.


People often get stuck when they can’t decide if they are “settling” in a relationship or having “too high of standards.” Most people tend to lean towards one end of the continuum but seeing a relationship clearly can be really difficult if you feel like you’re stuck finding this balance point.

For most people some degree of self-sacrifice and compromise is essential in a long term committed relationship. Hopefully not to give up one’s values or engage in unnecessary suffering. But in the case of love or at least commitment, one is usually okay with a little compromise and putting another person’s needs first. No big deal, right? It is when we forget our pre-determined relationship standards based on previous experiences, and compromise by being with people who don’t meet those standards. This isn’t about shopping around for the perfect match. This is about knowing what your bottom line is. What your needs are. These come from the few bullet points we all have based on the lessons we’ve learned in previous relationships.

Recall how you would finish this next sentence about 6 months after you ended a relationship a couple of years ago: I will never be in a relationship with __________ (fill in the blank) problem/issue again. Could be “a guy who is selfish,” “a guy who chooses work or football over me.” Whatever it is. Most people commit many of the same mistakes in relationships, go for the same guys, experience the same types of disappointments. Use your history and your MEMORY to keep you on track! You don’t have to worry about gaining more insight into why you or he (some ex) did the thing he did. Trust me, you know enough. You know the take home points, the final conclusions. Honor yourself by remembering them in the next relationship!