HOW TO KEEP THAT “LOVING FEELING”

At all phases of relationships (the first month) to 10 years in, there are times when you may see your partner in a less than attractive or in a less than positive light. Perhaps it’s when you decide that it’s a good idea to be gym partners. You didn’t know that he/she had the ability to perspire in such a way or wear the same gym cloths three days in a row. Or maybe it’s when you realize that they only brush their teeth at night (hope this is not the case). The first time it happens it may instill a bit of panic in you. “Am I REALLY attracted to this person?”, “What if I stop liking/loving them?” ATTRACTION FRACTION

There is some basic math here that I hope you find comforting. Lets say in a pie chart of initiating contact and expressing interest, you dominate this 2/3 or the time. Your partner only 1/3 of the time. There needs to be more room for your partner to initiate and express interest. Whenever the balance if off you can become frustrated and over-think things. Also, if your partner is the one that is taking up 2/3 of the pie, that loving feeling may decrease on your end.

RULES OF ATTRACTION

Men seem to have an easier time acknowledging that other women than there partner are attractive and don’t tend to over-think it. Comparing your partner to others can be both a good and bad thing. I’m not asking you to go do this, only to acknowledge that you already do. Take for example, you’re at a party and you run into your super hot ex-boyfriend. At the same party another charming and attractive single guy is paying attention to you. You go home and find yourself a little less attractive to your guy. Perspective changes things. That can be frightening, but it should really be reassuring. Everything from your mood to the people you’re around can influence how much you experience that loving feeling.

FLIRT IT OUT

 It’s important to have at least a small amount of challenge in any relationship to keep that loving feeling. A good challenge to take on is flirting with your partner at an unexpected time. People become predictable and as a result others become bored with us and we become bored with ourselves. Being turned on and attracted to someone else can be as much about you as about the real aspects of your partner (are the actually attractive).

WAIT IT OUT, LAUGH IT OUT

Don’t worry if you’re not that into your guy one day. Wait it out and don’t take this too seriously. Reevaluate/check in with yourself about the issue two weeks from now. I find that most people can put off anything for two weeks and you can't usually make many conclusions in a shorter amount of time. You get to decide what you value in relationships. I find that most people need to be attracted to their partner most of the time. It’s up to you to decide what your needs are. Whatever they are, know that attraction is fluid and changing. Don’t stress too much about it but look for patterns. If there is a theme (and it’s not a good one), then you may need to address it more directly and decide if it’s something you can live with.